Life Without a Village

We often hear the phrase, “It takes a village to raise a child.” This saying encapsulates the idea that raising a child is not just the responsibility of parents but of the entire community. Historically, this was true. Communities provided built-in support systems, extended families lived close by, and parents had a web of helping hands to lean on. Children were seen as a shared responsibility because they represent the future of society—a future everyone has a stake in.

Today, for many parents, that village is absent. Whether it’s because of geographical separation, societal shifts, or the isolating nature of modern life, we’re raising children in what often feels like a vacuum.

It’s curious how, in an age of endless choice, society acts like having kids is the ultimate act of rebellion these days. The economic arithmetic is unforgiving—sky-high house prices, childcare that costs more than most mortgages, and workplaces that see parenting as a quaint side gig. Culturally, the obsession with individual success and self-fulfilment paints raising a family as a detour rather than a destination. And yet, for all the whispered warnings of “don’t,” there’s something quietly radical—and profoundly human—in choosing to create and nurture new life. Maybe it’s time to shout back, “watch me.”

When I became a parent during the pandemic, I was unprepared for how isolating it could feel. With my nearest family hours away, my wife’s family living abroad, and friends caught up in their own busy lives, the reality hit hard: the responsibility was squarely on our shoulders. Every late-night wake-up, every tantrum, every decision about what’s best for my child—it all fell to me and my partner.

It’s not that people don’t care. Far from it. But the rhythms of modern life make sustained involvement in each other’s lives difficult. Grandparents, who historically played a significant role in raising children, are often unavailable. Many are still working well into what would have once been their retirement years. Others may live far away, and modern lifestyles have eroded the multigenerational households that were once common.

Meanwhile, societal attitudes towards parenting have shifted. Increasingly, we’re told that having children is a personal choice rather than a shared societal investment. Sterile trends and a focus on individual fulfilment often frame children as burdens rather than blessings. This selfish outlook discourages the collective effort once intrinsic to raising children.

Social media, often touted as a modern-day replacement for community, has paradoxically forced us apart. It offers a facade of connection but often deepens isolation. It fuels a desire for vapid and ultimately unfulfilling pursuits, providing fleeting hits of dopamine rather than lasting fulfilment. While we can access advice or celebrate milestones online, the constant comparison to others’ curated lives can amplify feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. It’s a distraction from deeper, primal needs—to nurture, to create, to belong. Instead of fostering connection, it leaves us chasing illusions, while our human longing for purpose and legacy remains unfulfilled.

Perhaps the hardest part of parenting without a village is letting go of the idealised vision of a close-knit, ever-supportive community ready to step in at a moment’s notice. Instead, we must focus on what we can control: fostering real relationships, choosing connection over convenience, and rejecting the isolation that modern life tries to normalise.

Parenting without a village is hard. It requires resilience, creativity, and, at times, sheer grit. But it’s also an opportunity to forge something new: a community built not out of obligation but out of intention and shared values. By resisting the forces that isolate us, we can create a future where our children grow up surrounded by connection and care.

Life without a village isn’t easy, but it’s possible. It starts with small, deliberate actions that resist the pull of disconnection, paving the way for a more connected and fulfilling way of life.